Challenge Denied

So, with the encouragement of my coworkers and the help of a stranger’s shoulder surgery, I decided to TEACH (as opposed to being a teaching assistant like I have been all year) summer school, aka ESY.  My anxiety level is just under completely terrified.  When I got the email saying I was hired as a teacher and not a TA, all I could think was “Oh my gosh.  What have I gotten myself into.  I’m pretty sure I can’t do this job.  This is going to be a disaster.” I’m certified to teach secondary social studies, not elementary special ed.  What am I doing.

Yesterday was the orientation for all teachers and TAs doing summer school for special ed in the district.  They started off with the rules and procedures, and then moved right along into a splendid little convo on how to administer Diastat to a child having seizures, to which I politely replied “No thanks.”  I don’t really feel comfortable going into how one is supposed to administer Diastat, so I’ll just give you a short list of things I would rather do:

1. Change my major my senior year

2. Coach cheerleading

3. Eat my own hand

4. Watch The Wiggles

5. Hang out on the edge of a cliff…oh wait…I’ve actually already done this one…twice.

After that traumatizing experience (of Diastat demonstrations, not hanfing off of cliffs) we broke up and went to our school sites to meet our TAs, get the information on our kids, and set up our rooms.  The level of un-organization was appalling.  I think I almost had a panic attack.  I couldn’t process anything that was going on because I was so disturbed by the piles, the stacks, and all of the running to and fro.  Anyway, by the end of the day I had gotten organized enough that I was able to calmly and rationally process my thoughts and intellectualize about my situation.  All that came out was “Oh my gosh.  What have I gotten myself into.  I’m pretty sure I can’t do this job.  This is going to be a disaster.”

And that’s where I am today.  I will have seven third graders, two girls and five boys.  All of them have a disability of some sort.  Some of them have Down Syndrome, some of them have Autism, and some of them have learning disabilities.  But they all need to be taught and they all need to be taken care of, and for some reason someone thinks I can do that.  I’m so glad that I have Acts 2:21 “And it shall be that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved” and Romans 10:12 “…for the same Lord is Lord of all and rich to all who call upon Him.”  All I can do is lean on my dear Savior, because without Him I can’t do anything.



Filed under Teacher Life

3 responses to “Challenge Denied

  1. You can do it! Thanks for following my blog!

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